I really feel I need to write a follow up to the Why is feedback Good? post.

I want to share with you the other side of the coin, the part where even though you get all the feedback and advice, it is now up to you to move forward with it and how that process unfolds and how to help make it a lighter load to carry, cause it is a load, positive or negative (perceived) feedback.

So what do you now that you’ve received the feedback, where to from here?

This is the moment when you step back. Make a large cup of tea or coffee and just sit. Process. Let all the information just settle in your mind and in your heart. Don’t unpack it yet, just let it all settle.

Sleep on it. Seriously, just put it one side in your mind and take a day or two to let it simmer in your heart and mind. What does this do? It helps your nervous system to regulate back to “0”. It assists with allowing all the emotions that you’ve been holding back space to move around and then settle.

During another feedback meeting with the O.T. for C, I got so choked up, sitting there across from this lovely lady, the tears started to flow (a very difficult thing when you’re also on mood stabilizers that make you not cry). The conversation we were having were bringing up all the past challenges, moments, meltdowns, life changes to cope with and all the different lifestyle changes we, as a family, have had to make to allow my eldest to cope with life.

It was like a tsunami that just broke the wall I had carefully placed to protect me from losing my cool.

It wasn’t a bad thing.

Sleep on it. Seriously, just put it one side in your mind and take a day or two to let it simmer in your heart and mind.

This doesn’t mean that the feedback was bad, in fact, the feedback was so good that I was overjoyed that this wonderful O.T. was so on board and understood, she actually understood exactly where I was coming from.

To have someone understand the road you’ve walked on and all the meltdowns and drama you’ve had to deal with, that others will never experience, was such a liberating experience, it gave me license to relax, to hear the words “help is on the way” was so immensely comforting, that I can finally relax and know that my son is going to get the therapy he needs to life his best life.

Isn’t that what parenthood is all about? Creating a platform for our kids to be their best, live their best and become who God created them to be.

So now you’ve let it settle, what’s next?

When you feel ready, lay out everything, all the feedback and advice you received and read it through. Be honest with yourself and pick up what you know you need to pick up and challenge yourself to make a start on those first. Leave the rest for another time, sometimes some of the extra things on the list come right or change as we start to work on the first two on the list.

Be honest with yourself and pick up what you know you need to pick up.

For example: The feedback for C has a long list of advised therapies etc that he “should” do. So we are starting with the O.T. for his sensory integration, going to get his eyes tested and then after a season of consistent O.T. we will re-assess with the Ed Psych and his teacher to see if we need to do any of the other things on the list.

The idea with implementing changes is not to overwhelm yourself and try and do everything in one go. Much like weight loss or healthy living, we all know that a severe change in eating habits can sometimes make things much worse, so do it slowly, add a few good things to your diet and some of the not so good things will automatically fall away.

The same with implementing change from feedback, one thing at a time, do what you know is possible now, and look at the rest another time.

The other thing you need to do is communicate. Keep in touch with whoever gave the feedback, go back and see if the changes you have implemented are working.

I have had consultation and conversations with C’s teacher throughout the year and we are very much on the same page. She has confirmed that our chosen plan is a great start, some of the things C struggles with are going to be dealt with in class, so no additional school classes are needed. Which helps to take a bit of the load off. Having conversations with everyone involved helps to lighten the load and having extra, professionally trained, heads together on the problem helps solve it in a more efficient and kinder way.

The other thing you need to do is communicate.

In the end, the decisions you make will affect your future, or the future for your children. Make decisions that line up with what you know is good for yourself and your kids, ask God for wisdom, to assist with the right path to choose and then trust the process.

1. Let it settle. Sleep on it.
2. Be honest. Pick up what you need to pick up.
3. Communicate. Stay in touch with the people involved.
4. Trust God and the process.

xx

Kim