If you have a kiddo with SPD or on the spectrum (for lack of a better term) you will know that there are just some things that are going to be nearly impossible to achieve.
In our home C has a few “nearly impossible” sensory things that almost always start, and end, in tears and an epic meltdown that requires some some serious love and squeezes.
- Haircuts
- Cutting his nails
- Washing his hair
Tonight is Sunday, and it’s traditionally a hair washing night, so their heads are fresh and clean to get back to school and other kids. It starts with a warning in the morning. “we are washing hair tonight”, this verbal cue is so that Cal can start processing it subconsciously already. Then mid afternoon I add a “remember we’re washing hair tonight”. This verbal cue usually illicits a moan of displeasure.
At this point I'd like to say that I am aware that perhaps I should find a morning rather, or perhaps even a different day, but they have to wash their hair at least twice a week so I try make Sunday a non negotiatiable and the second one during the week can be moved around depending on the level of tension in that particular evening.
Where was I? Ah yes, Sunday evening.
Now to understand the entirety of the emotions I will be facing here’s a run down of what happened Sunday.
1.We went to Baywest Mall for dad’s birthday to go bowling.
2. We then played arcade games.
3. The noise level, lights and high energy atmosphere almost wiped me out.
4. They went to play in the play park.
5. Came home by 14h00 exhausted and sensors overloaded.
So come shower time, it’s a difficult transition for a tired, overtimulated boy to face the prospect of hair washing when it’s his least favorite thing to do.
But we press on.
He gets time alone to shower and play in the water, but not much as we have very strict water restrictions, so within 2 minutes I’m back saying “come on, let’s wash hair”. At least we have reached a point where he knows it must happen, and let’s me wet his hair and scrub it gently, but I swear you’d think I was washing his hair with chille pepper juice and forcing him to drink it.
The crying and shouting starts almost immediately, I ease him in by pouring the water over his shoulders first and then starting at the bottom of his head I work my up slowly so it’s not a big shock. I scrub his head gently with my fingertips avoiding his ears at all costs. Sometimes it goes well, but after today’s excitement it didn’t go down well, not even close. (he’s still upset an hour later :()
Washing done, he wants his face dried before he will carry on and wash himself with soap. He jumps out and the whining starts anew as the change in air temperature causes a new round of sensory overload. Getting him dry and in his clothes during this can be so difficult, the crying, the arm clenching, the lashing out, today was particularly bad, of course.
So, boy dressed and still in tears we have to dry hair with the hair dryer.
Jesus, take the wheel.
Even though it’s warm and usually his favorite part, this time I knew I’d only be able to do half his hair and I’d be lucky to get a brush near it at all.
So after all this we sit and hug and I tell him how brave he was to do so well cause it’s was a busy day and it was a really hard thing to do to wash hair after all of today. I tell him I love him, and he walks away, quiet and exhausted and ready for bed.
The point of this whole story is that there are good days, and then there are really bad ones. There are huge wins, and then spectacular losses. Today had a big win (he coped with the bowling and the games as well as the play park, including the rise home – a first for us) but then we lucked out at shower time.
What I’m trying to say is, take the wins and celebrate them. Let them know how brave and strong they were facing things that usually trigger them, and keep your head down through the tough moments and don’t let them get you down, rough spells come, but they never stay.
And remember, His mercies are new every morning. So don’t give up, what you do for your kiddos is priceless and invaluable.
X Kim