You know that saying about “you can’t give from an empty glass”. This is also true for our kiddos.

As parents we are bestowed with a deep responsibility. A responsibility to care for, raise and nurture little people to get them ready to fly the nest and be successful additions to the human race.

This includes teaching them how to manage their emotions, to read their own warning flags and to teach them when to say no to things are fun so that they can regroup and recharge.

We had an opportunity to practice this this weekend.

My C had a very exciting birthday party coming up this past weekend, and the whole class was invited. There was going to be swimming and lots of friends and lots of fun. I can only imagine how the excited conversations went on at school between all the kids and the anticipation that was building for this event.

We were prepared, the day before I had arranged for S to go to the grandparents so I could go with C to the party (there was going to be swimming, so I wanted to be there to supervise my fledgling swimmer). Then Saturday morning rolled around and a few things happened that were very different for a usual Saturday morning.

• Dad left early to go work for the day – unusual event no 1.
• Loadshedding at 07h00 – awkward timing event no 2.
• C was super cranky and snotty – unusual event no 3.

Thoughout the morning, there were many instances of angry outbursts, snarky comments and general grump between the two boys, more than usual for a Saturday. This could be for many reasons for C, he could be hungry, sore, cold, overstimulated or hot.

Yup, pick one or all, it’s a bit of Russian roulette at times.

After having to address them for the fifth time (two hitting fights in between) I eventually made the call to talk to C about staying home from the party, as I could see he was already way over his ability to cope with his emotions and we hadn’t even arrived at the party yet. I had flashbacks of his Grade R year end lunch where he was so overstimulated in the crowded restaurant and after 45min he lost his marbles and was screaming at his friends and I had to intervene, feed him and take him home. It took 2 hours for him to come down from that incident, so I was having anxiety just thinking about how this Saturday party was going to play out.

I sat him down, and tried as best I could to explain that he was so overstimulated already (with dad being gone, being too excited for the party and being cranky) that it would only get worse at the party, crowded with all his class mates, friends, family and a swimming pool in the mix. He was heartbroken, I could see he was trying his best to understand, I kept repeating to him that staying home wasn’t punishment, it was to help him to stay level and not have a horrible meltdown at the party and then embarrass himself and have to go home early. He was upset, I would have been too, I gave him his space to deal with his disappointment, and after sitting quietly for a while, he was back to his usual self and relaxed.

It was the right choice for him. Yes, he missed the party, but we avoided a possible bigger meltdown and emotional explosion by taking the “fill your cup” route rather.

I can promise you, this SPD journey is relentless, exhausting and repetitive, but I am sure, after seeing posts on the SPD pages from parents of older children with SPD that there is light at the end of the tunnel. We all just have to stick it out, stay the course and do the things that bring us. and our kids life.

xx Kim